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Known Users

"Hackers" glossary to the Mac



Author:
Date: July August , 1989
Keywords: humor dictionary hacker
Text: Alert Box -- A message on the screen telling you that you are about to do something really stupid. Apple Menu -- List you select from at a Washington state fruit stand. Backsliding -- Procrastination over doing the hard disk backup you know you should do. (See Bomb.) Baud Rate -- The price of kinky acts in Old Town Eureka. Big Blue -- The guy next to you in the office who had to struggle with one of those ''other'' computers while you zip through with a Mac. Bomb -- Computer manufacturer's attempt at humor in telling you your machine just ruined your work. Bombardier -- The person who tries to show you a neat shortcut and ends up crashing your machine. Chips -- What cattlemen have too many of and computer owners have too few of. Chooser -- The right to select a Macintosh over those ''other'' machines. Collectivism -- The uncontrollable urge to own as many programs as possible, even though you don't need them and don't have the time to use them. Can be caused by close association with certain SMUG members. CPU -- What you get when you buy a Macintosh with no ''extras.'' (See Extras.) Customer Support -- The chair you sit on when you call Apple Computer Inc. for assistance. DA phobia -- The fear that someone somewhere may either own more DAs than you do or have more of them installed on a one-megabyte machine. Dialog Box -- Friendly conversation with your Macintosh. Diskintegration -- What happens to your saved work just before you get around to backing it up. Extras -- Options you can add to the purchase of a CPU (especially if it's a Mac II. These include such luxuries as a keyboard, a monitor and enough additional memory to run all the programs the machine is capable of handling. Filemania -- A method of putting so many folders inside the folders so that you have a very orderly desktop, but can't find anything you need.s Floppy Disk -- The thing one of your co-workers mistakes for a coaster and spills coffee on. Also, those things that seem to multiply by themselves on your desk. Fonts -- What you always want just one more of. (See Collectivism.) Hard Disk -- A peripheral device with an incredible amount of storage space that fills up incredibly quick. IBM -- A way to observe how computers used to work. (See Big Blue.) Integrated Software -- Programs that combine several applications in one package, making it possible to do a mediocre job of several things, but not an excellent job of anything. Memory -- What you and Grandpa have in common: Neither has enough.s Menu Mania -- The desire to find utilities that will allow you to change a program's menu to include obscenities. Modem -- What your spouse wants you to do instead of playing with your Macintosh, as in, ''Go modem weeds in the front yard! Mother Board -- What your wife gets when you play with your Mac when she wants to go out for the evening. Mouseketeer -- One of your children using a Mac. Next -- Reinvention of the Black Box. Password -- The thing you need to operate your Macintosh, but you can't recall. (See Memory.) Pirate -- A person who ''only wants to borrow'' your expensive program so he/she can test it before deciding to buy it. RAM -- What you would like to do to your Mac when it crashes. ShareWare -- Quick way to get a computer guilt tip because you're using programs you haven't paid for. (See also Pirate.) Shutdown -- What happens when your Mac decides to take a coffee break. Upgraditosis -- A progressive disease that makes you want the absolute last version of a program even though you are perfectly happy with the version you have. User Group -- An organization whose meetings you can attend and find out that others are as dumb as you are. (Adapted from Tyler [Texas] Area Macintosh Users via Mug News Service via AppleGram, Apple Corps of Dallas. Also known as filler or plug.)

Copyright © july august , 1989 by Date: July August , 1989


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